Helping Kids Handle Big Feelings

Ever feel like you’re juggling a million things while trying to keep energetic little humans calm, happy, and focused? Yep, we get it! That’s why mastering the art of self-regulation isn’t just for children – it’s a total game-changer for us grown-ups too. If we want kids to stay on task, return to task, and actually enjoy the process, weaving self-regulation strategies into everyday life is the way to go.

What is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation is simply the ability to manage and control our emotions, behaviours, and reactions. Think about it: when children are calm, focused, and in control of their emotions, our job as parents, carers, or educators becomes so much easier – and they’re far more open to learning and connection.

There are two main types:

Behavioural Self-Regulation

This is when you feel one way but choose to act another. It’s the part of us that helps make decisions now that benefit our future selves – like resisting the urge to binge on cake for breakfast every day (even if it sounds amazing).

Emotional Self-Regulation

This is about managing how we feel. It could be a child talking themselves out of a bad mood, calming down when they’re angry, or taking a breath before responding in frustration.

Both are important and every child’s journey with them will be different. Some may find it tricky to control impulses, stay focused, or manage big feelings. Recognising these challenges means we can offer the right support and strategies.

I like to think of self-regulation as an internal thermostat – it keeps us balanced and steady, no matter what’s going on around us.

Being the Role Model

Children learn more from what we do than what we say. Showing them how we regulate (and being honest about it!) makes it easier for them to do the same.

That could sound like:

“I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m just going to take 5 minutes to do some deep breathing. You’re welcome to join me.”

If we narrate our emotions regularly – the good, the bad, and everything in between – and follow up with healthy strategies, children will naturally start using those same tools. It’s teaching without the lecture.

Everyday Self-Regulation Boosters

• Mindfulness moments – Simple breathing exercises, sensory activities, or calm greetings can set a positive tone for the day.

  
  

• Shared mantras – Create a family or group mantra you can whisper, shout, or sing together. It builds connection and a sense of belonging instantly.

  
  

• Journaling – Whether after a playground disagreement, a busy day, or a happy moment, a journal gives space to slow down, reflect, and reset.

  
  

• Storytelling with purpose – The Mindful Mushkins books use fun, relatable characters (built to be positive role models for kids who may not have them in real life) to teach mindfulness, grit, gratitude, and other essential life skills.

  
  

• Conflict practice – Kids will have disagreements every single day – with friends, family, and even trusted adults. Role-play “what if” scenarios, encourage empathy, and explore different ways to resolve challenges.

  
  

• Celebrate effort, not just talent – Praising perseverance and even failures helps children build a growth mindset. Try something fun like a “Most Creative Mistake” award followed by a chat about what they learned.

  
  

The Power of Partnership

When parents, carers, and educators work together on self-regulation, children get consistent guidance at home, in care, and in the classroom. Share your best tips and tools with each other, it’s a team effort that benefits everyone.

Self-regulation isn’t another lesson plan or extra activity to squeeze in – it’s about the small, everyday things we can build into routines, environments, and interactions. The more naturally it’s modelled and practised, the more it becomes part of who they are.

Together, we can give children the skills they need for a lifetime of emotional well-being.

Isabelle Russell

Founder of Mindful Mushkins